Three Months to Go :(

I've had my close of service conference, decided to stay a little longer, but the silly 3 month marker has now passed and I am left wondering what next. I have just lived the most amazing two years of my life in a country where I am a celebrity, not really but sort of really. I have been in the newspaper and on the news as a pole vault coach, and in the paper for being a trend setter, and weeks after being on tv children still shout to me "Miss, I saw you on TV". I'm working on finishing up building a library, getting one of my pole vaulters to qualify for the junior pan american games, and trying to train PE teachers all over the island how to be pole vault coaches. I've gotten a 9 year old boy to change his plans for his future from going to prison to going to one of the best secondary schools on the island, and he grades went up almost 30 percentage points. I've lived through the worst drought in Saint Lucia's recorded history, and the worst Natural Disaster too.

As I am coming way too close to the end, I can say without hesitation my peace corps service was a huge success. I'm not going to say it was easy or there weren't times that I thought about throwing in the towel, but I wouldn't change my choice to be here and stay here for anything. Some people say being a peace corps volunteer is the hardest job you will ever love, and while I couldn't agree more with that statement, I think the hardest part of my service will be saying goodbye.

When I first came here I thought I would just keep my head down get engulfed with work and not really be social, but boy was I wrong. Not only did I make friends but I gained a new family. While it will be incredibly sad, and I'm sure that I will cry like a baby at random places for the most ridiculous reasons over the next oh 6 months or so, I'm sure that those people will always remain in my heart. I will think of them every time, I see onion rings, a pole vault anything, a child learning to read, someone saying miss, a rooster crowing, the mention of water not working, Carnival, anytime I go shopping or have to pick out an outfit, anytime I forget to eat, or whenever some smacks me to kill a mosquito. As sad as I am to be going and leaving my family behind, it is of extreme comfort that I know they will always have my back, and I just hope they know I have theirs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1TL8uK4ZFo

Hurricane Tomas

On October 30th St. Lucia got hit by Hurricane Tomas, while the winds caused some damage the real devastation came from landslides caused by 10-20 inches of rainfall over a 24 hour period. It was my first disaster and my first hurricane, and possibly the most humbling experience of my life. While I have not had access to water besides what I have stored for 13 days now, and I had to get up at 6am to go to the capital to buy water before the store ran out, which they did when I was standing in line, I feel lucky and blessed. Besides rain seeping in through my windows, nothing happened to me, my people are all safe, and I have enough to survive.

As I continue to see more damage, I realize just how lucky I am. The main highway where it goes through the rain forest lost a lane, and in an area that used to be trees and brush, nothing but green, is now just brown. The trees toppled down in a landslide leaving the road impassable for days, and even now its only a single lane road and will be for some time. Houses collapsed with people in them, others were filled with mud from landslides, rivers flowed through people's houses, depositing trash and debris in yards, and lives were lost.

This devastation has been said to be the worst national disaster in St. Lucia's history, and while the death toll is relatively low, for how small the communities and nation is the numbers feel much larger. It is by no means the worst disaster the world has faced this year, but for me its the first disaster that is tangible to me, every other disaster always feels so far away, but this one effects every aspect of my life, and I can't help but wonder what will happen to my community since most people are in the banana business and everyone lost all of their crop. Will the nation be facing a food shortage are their staples of banana and plantain got chopped down by the hurricane. With damn/water collection sites damaged or destroyed what will happen when we hit the peak of dry season, will pipes continue to run dry? I guess all I can do is hope for the best, and hope to continue to be surprised by St. Lucia's ability to handle this disaster.

The pictures are of my community and on my way to town, there hardest hit areas I haven't been to

Carnival!! It's not a day, it's a season

Before I explain anything about the Carnival festivities, it is important to understand all the terminology, otherwise nothing will make sense. First of all the different groups in a Carnival parade are called bands, within a band there are sections, each section has different costumes. Being in a section in a band and participating in the festivities is called jumping, so I jumped in Red Unlimited (the band), in the best section in the band, yes we actually won that award, Tempted to Touch.

Almost every village has their own Carnival, with a lot of t-shirt bands instead of super fancy costumes like the main Carnival festivities that I jumped in. If you wanted to/you were completely insane you could jump carnival for about 2 months straight, traveling around the island.

That would mean staying up all night to do Jouvert which is basically a street party that starts at 4am and goes till 7am, then going home bathing changing, and jumping day one of carnival, from 10/12-6pm, then you rest up, the crazy people party more, and jump again the next day. Needless to say I only jumped the one carnival this year.

Now for the main event with all the fancy costumes dancing along the highway in the capital there is a little more to it. I would say the Carnival Weekend starts Friday, with Sexy in Black concert in which everyone wears black and parties/hears local Soca artisits (the type of music played at Carnival) perform. For some of us, meaning me, I then got up Saturday morning went to a meeting, then went to coach my vaulters, which means I rested Saturday night, but a true reveler, the people that jump carnival, would have gone to the Calypso Monarch Finals Saturday night. Calypso is a type of music similar to reggae, but it has a message behind it, usually about the state of the nation, and fixing problems, the Monarch part literally means the years best or King of that type of music. Sunday is the inter-Caribbean Soca Monarch Finals concert, in which the top Soca artists in the region compete to see who wins in St. Lucia, it almost always a Lucian cause so much is based on how the crowd gets into the song. After that its to the pre-jouvert party put on by our band, then jouvert, then breakfast, we found a place wit $5 waffles and pancakes, which is unheard of here. Breakfast may have been my favorite party of the whole thing, I was with my 4 best friends on the island, we were all slap happy from being up for 24 hours, and half the people working in the restaurant were about to go jump carnival in a few hours.

After Breakfast it was time to get ready for the main event, no I didn't leave out going to sleep, we didn't. Instead we changed into our fancy carnival costumes, and went down to the highway to join our band for whining , dancing, on the streets for the next 6 hours by the time we actually caught up with our band a little late. The best part of day one is going past the judges, everyone is so amped and the best songs play, and the whole section just goes crazy when they pass the judges. At points it is almost as if the whole thing was choreographed because there is a specific dance to the song that played as we passed the judges and everyone did it together brilliantly. Right after the judges it started pouring rain, which was so nice cause it cools you off and everyone is dancing, singing, and being silly in the rain without a care about getting wet, which is not normal at all down here.

Then its time to rest up, so you are ready for day two. Day two everyone looks tired at the start, but after a few energy drinks, monster sponsored our band, every is starting to get going, and since we aren't being judged today and we don't have to conserve energy, and there is a less caring. For example when we walk through a round about/traffic circle the whole band runs around it in one direction, stops then runs around in the opposite direction, just silly fun really. By the end of the day tuesday, most peoples costumes have fallen apart between being rained on and dancing in the streets for over 12 hours, the costumes just weren't made to last.

Then you go home and sleep. It was an amazing experience for me and I'm so glad I did it, I'm not sure it would be as much fun for people who just come down for carnival because the best part is being care free with a bunch of friends, music you know, in an environment that is completely comfortable to you, and I only had that because I live here and nothing seemed strange or out of sorts to me. I could see how the entire 5 day weekend however could be rather overwhelming for people who don't know what they are getting themselves into. My friends and I agree though that we will have to do the DC Caribbean Carnival, especially if we are all studying in the US.

The photos are of me and friends I jumped with in our costumes, our section, our truck, every band has a truck that plays their music, the massive costume is our band's queen, pictures of breakfast/post jouvert and pre-jumping, and the ladies in red are the beginning of our band/the vip section.

Hope!

When I signed up for the peace corps, I'm not really sure what I expected. I know I decided being a Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV) was the perfect fit for my life, I'm addicted to travel and I want to save the world, but I don't think I really had any clue what to expect. I remember thinking about what it would like to not have electricity, but I have that. My fridge my be the size of a dorm fridge, and I only have 4 outlets in a two bedroom place, which would be crazy in the states. What, every room back home has four outlets with two plug spots in each one, so really eight, but at least I have electricity. Running water, well I think maybe I was hoping I wouldn't have that, I was soo excited about not bathing for a month, but that didn't happen. Sadly I shower more here than in the states, big disappointment, but boy is it necessary. Also I found that not having water just makes life miserable, but on the bright side I can bath in 0.5 liters of water if necessary.

I will say nothing is what I expected, which I guess is really what the peace corps is about, ask any volunteer, every day is a new adventure of patience, will power, laughter, tears, and some craziness. By every day I mean every hour for the most part. The biggest and I think most unexpected thing for me has been what I have come to view my role as a PCV as being. Its not really to be a teacher, coach, facilitator, organizer or any of the things I came in expecting. My most important job here by far is to bring hope.

In that way PCVs are sort of like missionaries, but we don't bring hope through the belief in some external power or a god, but we do try to convert people to try and believe in a better tomorrow through hard work and perseverance. Sometimes and probably the hardest conversion to make is getting people to believe in themselves.

I will never forget the time I told a group of children, they can do anything they want to as long as the work really hard at it, and one little boy maybe 7 or 8, looked up at me and said even me miss? It shocked me he was so young and had already given up hope. Its not just the kids that feel this way, the grown ups frequently don't believe in themselves either, they don't feel capable of taking on small tasks that they could easily accomplish because they think they can't. So frequently I hear the words I can't, and almost never do I hear I can. You could call it capacity building if you wish, but especially with youth I call it hope building.

Thankfully for me I am already seeing those changes. I've seen an 11 year old girl go from saying I can't do this miss every time I gave her math work, to sitting down doing it without a word, and being the first one done. I've seen little boys go from telling me they can't read to asking to borrow a book, and asking for harder work. Changing the I can'ts to the I cans is the biggest victory I can imagine in my peace corps service.

Some people criticize the Peace Corps for just going out in the world and promoting American values, which it does, thats actually part of our job to teach people about the USA, and its something I myself I have questioned. Does the United States really have the answers, should we really be guiding other nations and other people that come from such different backgrounds and cultures. I for sure believe that in a lot of instance Americans are the ones that have it wrong, a nation where people choose work over people, just doesn't seem to have their priorities right. One thing America can spread to the world and has been so good at is the concept of Hope.

It is the very basis of our foundation as a nation, a hope for a fairer future, granted at the time the fair and equal future was still for a select few, but that concept has stood strong. Some may disagree with me, but the more I travel, the more I learn about the world, the more I believe the US is really the place where opportunity is most available to everyone, and maybe thats what breeds hope. Or maybe its the general nature of our culture, a culture in which as a 5 year old I wanted to grow up to be the first woman to play professional baseball, all the while being a pilot and a rancher too. Nobody told me I was stupid or that it was impossible, instead I was told anything is possible, and I can do anything I want to do. Maybe that was just my America, maybe other people's America are filled with hopelessness and despair, but I like to believe that is what America has to offer to the world, hope for a brighter future, and as a Peace Corps volunteer I hope that is the message that I get to spread, converting people to believe in themselves, and in their own nations.

Up next my Carnival Experience....

Its about time I share more pictures

Pictures from my Walk around the island including the short cut to my best friends house.

Also pictured are the gingerbread houses we made from scratch for Christmas!

A typical Saturday...I have a fan Now!!!

My alarm blared, I groggily opened my eyes, rolled to the other side of bed, my t-shirt clinging to me from sweat. I swore to myself I was buying a fan on Monday, this was ridiculous. I have to keep saying to myself yes, when I joined the Peace Corps I signed up for hardship, but why make it harder than it had to be.

As I bobbed under my mosquito net, all I could think of was highly caffeinated coffee from my Italian French Press. Why does eight am always feel so early down here? Glorious Coffee! With my eyes barely opened, I stumbled to the bathroom. I jiggled the lever to flush the toilet. Nothing! I turned the faucet on the sink, nothing again.

This was getting old. Everyone says the draught is over, but if it’s over why is it I don’t have water this morning? I grabbed a bucket full of water, and dumped it down the toilet, first problem solved, now to wash my hands. I walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard under the sink and lugged out a jug, crisis averted.

My percolator was starting to bubble, coffee is ready! Of course my favorite mug was dirty, and I had no water. I only used the mug for coffee the morning before, what could it hurt to use it again without washing it? As I sat in my chair checking my email, and waiting for the caffeine to kick in, I tried to process what I needed to do for the day.

It was Saturday, and since I joined the Peace Corps, I had this desire save the world one child at a time, or maybe I had it before the Peace Corps. Either way it meant I gave up my sacred Saturdays to work with kids. No sleeping in! No staying in bed till noon reading or hoping that horrible hangover would go away. I had little kids waiting for me to teach them how to play basketball, at nine in the morning. In the afternoon a bunch of teenagers owned me, I was supposed to teach them how to pole vault , but sometimes I just wanted to go to the beach.

It was 8:20, I was supposed to leave in twenty-five minutes, and I still had to eat, bath, and create a practice plan for basketball. Please caffeine start working now!

So maybe I’m a little late, I walked out the door at 8:55. I walked past a father of a kid I work with, and said good afternoon, clearly 9 nine am is the afternoon to me. I hope he didn’t think I was drunk, and about to go be in charge of his child.

The little boy who walks to the basketball court with me was waiting patiently; he told me he was worried I left without him. As we strolled to the main road, I was hoping we would get a ride; otherwise we were going to be really late. Why is it that small children walk so slowly? Thank god after only two minutes of walking a truck pulled over to take us down to the court. We arrived with seconds to spare.

The second I walked in my door after basketball, I peeled off my sweat soaked shirt and laid down on my yoga mat, exhausted. It was only 11am, why was I so tired? I had an hour and a half to make food, eat, put together packets for my pole vaulters, and create my pole vault practice plan. I didn’t want to move.

I half rolled to my fridge looking for water, none. I pulled myself to my feet and stumbled to the sink, turned the facet, no water there. I knew I couldn’t make it through an afternoon in the sun without water. I guess this meant I had to walk down to the shop to buy some, and maybe a box of macaroni and cheese for lunch.

After inhaling the entire box of macaroni and cheese, then checking the box to see just how many calories I had consumed, I figured it was a perfect time to lie on my yoga mat and read. It’s not as if I had time to relax, I just wasn’t ready to move. By the time I was ready to move, it was time for me to leave, but I still had things to do.

I walked down to the highway to catch a bus, 20 minutes later than I should have. While I walked, I tried to figure out how long I could wait for a bus before I had to try to hitch a ride, fifteen minutes. Maybe I should just try to hitch right away. As I got the road there were a group of guys at the bus stop that have told me in the past not to hitch, so I figured I should at least wait a little while for a bus.

A bus finally came, and after the 45 minute journey I was at the stadium. Only 4 athletes were there at two pm, when training was supposed to start. I definitely started panicking. It was my first day as the head coach of Pole Vault St. Lucia, and the first training session since the Peace Corp Volunteer that started the program had left. Where are the athletes? Did they quit just because Andy left? Are all the nay sayers right about this program falling apart? Great this was all my fault. Calm down, relax, and remember to breathe. It’s going to be okay, a lot of the athletes are always late, just give them time.

My fear was for nothing, by the time 3pm rolled around I had 11 athletes at training.

At the end of training, when we are leaving, one of the athletes points over to the thousands of dollars worth of pole vaulting poles, that are just sitting out on the track. In the midst of babysitting the eleven 12-18 year olds I completely forgot about the poles. This just leaves me feeling incompetent and like a failure. Practice was a complete mess, and on top of that I can’t even remember to put ridiculously expensive equipment away.

It seems that feeling like a failure is part of being a Peace Corps Volunteer. Then again maybe feeling like a failure is part of any development work. Trying to create something out of nothing, with no support stuff inevitably leads to things not running smoothly, to things falling apart and being a complete mess, but I guess at least we are all out there trying to be that difference.

You can always go home, but home many times can you leave a wonderful life behind.

As I flew over Washington DC for the first time in over a year, I wondered what it would be like to be home. I looked out the plane window and thought how many lights were lit up, how big this city is, how its good to be home. I got off the plane and saw my parents for the first time in 14 months, but it seemed as if I was just gone for a few weeks.

As I opened my drawers at home hoping to find something to sleep in, I was shocked by how much I had left at home, a closet and a dresser full of clothes I completely forgot existed. Jewelry, make up, shoes, tons of stuff I didn't really need, probably rarely would use, and none of which would fit in my closet back home in St. Lucia. The differences kept popping up, running water, not sweating all the time, driving, fresh fruit at my disposal, realizing that maybe I wasn't eating properly back home. I think craving V8 may have been the hint at that. As much as things seemed odd and out of place, or maybe I seemed out of place, but just to myself. What was wrong, what was different? What didn't feel right, was how after being gone for over a year I just slipped back into my old life. A life I no longer led, and life that wasn't real, but here I was for 10 days pretending that it was the life that I had been living without interruption.

At first it just felt so strange, then it almost felt like I hadn't really left, you know besides the fact that I wanted to call my friends back in St. Lucia every 5 minutes. I began to remember everything that I had left behind, what I great life I used to have. I could go shopping with my mom, my brother, or a friend. I could spend a day hanging out with my best friends, who get me, who I could be completely myself around, no worrying about what was culturally acceptable, that I may overstep my bounds, or that what I just said would make sense. I was relaxed. That and I really missed running water, every time I went to wash my hands it was like this great gift. Then I had to pick up and leave, say goodbye to all of that wondering if I'd really ever be back in that life the way it used to be.

Thankfully I came back to running water, but St. Lucia just didn't feel right, it felt like something was missing, and I couldn't help wondering if it was worth giving up all of what I had in the states. Then I hung out with my best friends down here, and I just felt screwed. It sucked cause I knew I couldn't have both lives at the same time. It took some time and a package filled with cookies and chips to make me realize that I wasn't screwed, but possibly the luckiest person out there. Most people spend their lives hoping to have people that love and get them, that will be there for them no matter the distance or the time apart, and I have two sets of people in two different parts of the world.

Now if only I could have the same comfy bed down here...